Why does Tyrone insist on embarrassing me

[T33's Torts]

Lol!!

 

[AZtortMom]

[SMILING FACE WITH OPEN MOUTH]that's awesome! That's about how it would go in my house, except the fishing part. Mine would go to the guitar store

 

[T33's Torts]

^^^ I'D be the one going to the guitar store!

 

[littleginsu]

y'all are killing me!

luckily, to some, perhaps, I am a single gal and have full control of my credit cards with no turtle hooker restrictions! LOL!

 

[Watsonpartyof4]

Here is another one that happened a few months ago

Well it finally happened... My hubby got to see Tyrone's glory!

There I was sleeping in the bed and I had the bejesus scared out of me ...

Hubby: hey Tyrone what's wrong little buddy? Are you ok? Oh ...what .. OH MY GOD HURRY COME QUICK!!!! IT'S TYRONE HE IS CHOKING! HE IS CHOKING!

Me: What? What are you yelling at?

hubby: TRYONE IS CHOKING! WHAT DO I DO? HURRY GET DOWN HERE GOD DAMM IT!

Me: OH MY GOD ! WHAT HAPPENED?!

I stumbled out of bed, with my heart pounding...thinking my poor baby is dying!

hubby: should I pick him up? He is gasping and choking! Oh god it's a horrible sound!

Me: what did YOU feed him? ....

I am looking at the scene ... And realize what is going on ...

Hubby: well pick him UP FOR GODS SAKE DO SOMETHING!

Me: ..ummm why don't you pick him up

Hubby: oh here poor Tyrone ...WHAT THE ... OH DEAR GOD HIS GUTS HAVE FALLEN OUT! HE'S DYING HE'S DYING HE'S DYING!!

Me: nope that's his penis dumbass! You just interrupted his "jolly time" way to go hero!

by now hubby has put Tyrone down...

Hubby: that is the grossest thing I have ever seen! And I have seen some pretty sick stuff...

Me: what does that mean?

Hubby: I am just saying

Me: saying what?

Hubby: I am saying

Me SAYING WHAT?!?

Hubby: geesh! You don't have to yell at me! I am going fishing!

Me: good! Don't come back until I am gone!

Hubby: fine!

Me fine!

I look down at Tyrone and I swear he was grinning!

Me: shut up Tyrone! I am going back to bed!

That's how my morning went ...

 

[Redstrike]

Ha, you have a keeper!

 

[AZtortMom]

ROFL [GRINNING FACE WITH SMILING EYES][GRINNING FACE WITH SMILING EYES]

 

[Watsonpartyof4]

Ha, you have a keeper!

...which one? The hubby or my Tyrone?

 

[mike taylor]

Man your killing me!

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Man your killing me!

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Man your killing me!

 

[AZtortMom]

Ha, you have a keeper!

...which one? The hubby or my Tyrone?

Flip a coin!

 

[T33's Torts]

I'm thinking Tyrone.

 

[Watsonpartyof4]

Man your killing me!

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Man your killing me!

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Man your killing me!

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Thanks! I have more ...oh so many more ...!

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This is a frantic phone call I received from my teenaged Daughter ....

Daughter: MOM! I am so scared! I locked myself in the bathroom..I think there is somebody in the house, you have got to come home right now!
ME: WHAT OMG! Where is your brother?
D: at work! I just heard these noises again! Seriously Mom, come home right now!
ME: What Noises? What does it sound like?
D: like somebody is moaning! Or a pig grunting like...and some off key singing?!
ME: Call 911 for gods sake!
D: I just texted some of (brother's) friends and they are coming over! Can you PLEASE come home!?!
ME: I can't you dropped me off remember?!
D: I forgot! Crap!
ME: do you still hear it?
D: YES! OMG! MOM I am so scared!
ME: honey just call 911!
D: wait... I don't hear anything ...wait...OMG THERE IT GOES AGAIN!

By this time I am ready to scream, I am stuck at work without a car because daughter dropped me off!

ME: is it getting closer? OMG ..where is it coming from?
D: downstairs somewhere!
ME: Stay where you are! Do you have anything to protect yourself?
D: MOM! I am locked in the bathroom! What am I supposed to do beat somebody with a loofah?
ME: what about some drain cleaner?! I think there is some under the sink!
D: W H A T ?! Mom what am I supposed to do with drain cleaner?!
ME: Throw it in their face!
D: OMG MOM! you are psycho!
ME: it is kill or be killed!
D: OMG you think someone is going to kill me???!!!!
ME: of course not! But you have to be prepared to fight like hell! Kick them in the crotch!
D: MOM you are NUTS! ...OMG it is louder now!
ME: WHAT????
D; the NOISES!!!! they are really LOUD!
ME: GET THE DRAINO !! GET THE DRAINO !!!
D: OMG the guys are here, they are downstairs... Wait I am going to open the door..
ME: DON'T OPEN THE DOOR! OMG TAKE THE DRAINO WITH YOU!
D: Dave and Kenny and Bobby are here with baseball bats! They are checking the basement and garage ...
ME: Thank GOD!
D: they haven't found anything....Mom I am still so scared!
ME: send someone to get me! I am FREAKING OUT!
D; OK I am leaving this house! I am coming to pick you up right now!

So daughter picks me up, while my sons friends stayed at the house. I get home and we check the house again ..look in every closet and under beds and everything ...nothing.
So I get daughter calmed down, and I make us some hot tea and she is in her room and I am in my room ..when ...she hears the noises again! and comes running into my room

D: MOM! OMG HE'S BACK!
ME: WHAT?! WHO? WHERE?!!!
D: downstairs! I heard him again!
ME: I don't hear anything! ...wait ....OMG what is that?
D: I am locking myself in your bathroom!
ME: wait ... What is that?
D: someone or SOMETHING is down there!
ME: find something I can use ....
D; do you want the DRAINO?
ME: No get my hairspray, I have a lighter in the top drawer
D: why do you have a lighter?
ME: I like to keep it with the emergency candles, you know in case the lights go out
D: omg! That's a great idea! I need to get some candles for my room!
ME: I don't think so, you'll burn the house down! I'll buy you a flashlight
D: ok, but I want a purple one.
ME: ok fine I'll get you ...WHAT WAS THAT?!
D: OMG THAT WAS THE NOISE!
ME: HAIRSPRAY ! HAIRSPRAY !
D: what are you going to do style their hair?!!
ME: NO ! I am going to light the hairspray with the lighter and set the son of a ***** on fire!
D: MOM...you really are crazy you know that right?
ME: honey it's kill or be killed!

So I creep down the stairs ..I hear this pig grunting, moaning, off key singing ..and now I am scared!
It is getting louder and louder ...and ...
IT IS TYRONE! going to town in a hole in the substrate he apparently dug!

ME: I found the source of the noise ... You need to come see it for yourself
D: did you set him on fire?!
ME: NO!
D: who is it?
ME: come down here!
Daughter comes down the steps ..and I point to TYRONE and she looks at him ...then looks at me ...then looks at him...and starts laughing!
D: you were gonna set someone on fire HA HA HA HA HA HA
ME: HEY ! I was going to protect you!
D: wait until I tell my friends my mom thinks she is some kind of ninja or something !
ME to TYRONE: do you see what kind of trouble you make for me? Do you?!
As usual, I swear he is grinning at me ...

This is a true story that happened last summer...He was so loud loving on his dirt pile. It sounded like a human!

 

[mike taylor]

Man your crazy! Funny butt crazy!

 

[Elohi]

OMG LMAO!
Is Tyrone extra amorous or are all male torts this way? Pleassssssse tell me all males aren't this way! Lol

 

[Watsonpartyof4]

Making a Tyrone cobbler....

So the bricks have finally soaked and was ready to change Tyrone's substrate. Got to thinking about his water dish ... Currently he has an 8 inch ceramic pie dish. He has really gone thru a growth spurt because it is just big enough for his shell. When he soaks in it his head hangs over the side like and escaped piece of apple filling!

Anyway I knew I had some extra Pyrex oblong casserole dishes in the basement, that I use when I take desserts to parties and such. I figured what the heck, I will use one of those! He will have plenty of room now!

So there I was scooping our Tyrone's substrate so I could put the fresh in.
And hubby walks into the kitchen, asking what's for dinner tonight. (Tyrone's viv is in the hallway between living room and kitchen)

Hubby:what's for dinner?
Me: I haven't given it a thought why?
Hubby: I don't know I am kinda hungry..
Me: not me ... Ewww tort poo

At this point I figure hubby could run down stairs and grab the Pyrex dish

Me:hey, can you go downstairs and grab the brown pyrex casserole dish.
Hubby: the one you make peach cobbler in?
Me: yeah that's the one.
Hubby:sure!

I continue to scoop, thinking about how to keep Tyrone from getting it so dirty..I know I will put rocks around it, I have more nice sized rocks.

Hubby comes back up stairs and he is mumbling something, I can't understand.

Hubby:there ya go! When are you going to start cooking?
Me: I don't know! I have my elbows in Tyrone poo, I really ain't thinking about food!
Hubby:I can check and see what we have in the pantry?
Me: ...what? ..ok yeah that's fine..

Hubby goes over to the pantry and I hear cans being moved around, and then I can hear cupboard doors opening and closing ..

Hubby: I need to wash this dish it looks clean but got a little dusty in the cabinet downstairs, what else do you need?
Me: just make sure you rinse it real well, I don't want him eating soap

Hubby: do you want cherry or peach? Or how about apple?
Me:what? I am not hungry right now

(I am thinking how am I gonna eat an apple with tort poo on my hands?)

Hubby: I like peach the best, but you have several apple
Me:That's nice...?

Hubbyk! It's all clean! I also got out the flour and sugar and melted some butter
Me:melted butter? Giggling...What are you going to do give him a massage? (I crack up at myself sometimes)
Hubby: give who a massage? What are you talking about now!?!
Me: Tyrone!
Hubby:why would I give him a massage? Besides I am trying to help you make an apple cobbler!
Me:What apple cobbler?!? Who said I am making an apple cobbler?!?
Hubby: you did!
Me: are YOU crazy?! I never said any such thing!
Hubby: yes you did! You had me go get the cobbler dish! And made me wash it!
Me WHAT?!? I never made you wash it! You asked me if I wanted it washed!
Hubby:I know! I washed it!
Me: I know! thanks! Geesh!
Hubby:I melted the butter and got the flour and the sugar out.
Me: well good for you! What are you making?
Hubby:I wasn't making anything! You're making an apple cobbler!
Me:I never said I was making a cobbler!
Hubby: then why in the hell did I just go get the cobbler dish and wash it for?!
Me:...cracking up... OOoooOooH that's Tyrone's new soaking dish!

at this point hubby walks away disgusted and mumbling to himself, as I start laughing so hard I have to sit down, before I spill stinky substrate all over the floor!

This is 100% true ... I go thru this crazy stuff everyday! I swear my family should be on reality TV!

 

[AZtortMom]

OMG! That's funny! [FACE WITH STUCK-OUT TONGUE AND TIGHTLY-CLOSED EYES]