I'm getting one just to spite you now.
Thank you for making light of the worst thing I've ever experienced. I was trapped in a terrifying abusive relationship for 2.5 years with no support and no way out. My whole life fell apart. Due to some care mistakes and bad luck I lost my best friend. I think about killing myself daily. I have no joy or peace. I hope with another turtle to care for I might find the will to live again. You say that they don't bond but they do. It's a slow relationship that takes many years.Stop and think about the animal and not just your wants. No one cares how you want to live your life. The turtle is a different story! Why was your other one with you for only 28 years? They live 50 on up! Hmmm, stress?
I really don't think moving every few years is that major. Especially if I bring the exact cage with me.
Also my 28 year old was a male eastern painted from the central east coast. They are the shortest lived. 28 is not terrible.