Letter!!

[Marty333]

Hi everyone I have been trying to raise awareness about Florida Gophers because I feel no when is doing anything anymore to help save them so I sent an email to Orlando's mayor and here it is

"Dear Mayor Buddy Dyer,

Hi My name is Marta Schwarz and I live in (undisclosed area) Florida.I am 15 and i am currently home schooled. You may be wondering why I'm not talking to my city mayor about this and the reason is because I want to talk to someone who has more power and can make my dream come true!! I have always had a passion for tortoises and I am very worried about our beloved Florida Gopher Tortoise. I understand very well that they are an endangered species and I don't think we are doing enough to save these magnificent creatures. The main reason for their decline is construction. People think Florida needs more houses but no we don't!! We have many homes and communities that are filing for bankruptcy! When we build more and more homes that means we are killing more and more tortoises!! You may think that tortoises aren't a big deal but every animal plays an important role in the environment! Gopher Tortoises are one of the oldest tortoise species in the world! They originated in north america more than 60 million years ago!! Why would we want to watch this species just die out when they have so much history?! Please if you want to hear more about my plan and dream email me back! I doubt you will read this message but I hope you will come across it and think hmmm this sounds interesting!



Yours Truly,

Marta Schwarz, 15"

So what do you think?? Sorry I don't feel comfortable putting my exact city on the internet. I hope he reads it and then maybe I can take a next step!! By the way if this is in the wrong place mods feel free to move it!!

 

[sara]

I think its a very worthy cause and i really hope you get an answer. Its a first step, and without that first step you can go nowhere! Good Luck!

 

[vyeates409]

I think it's great

 

[Brutha]

Good job!

If you get a reply and end up discussing it further, another point to make is that gopher tortoises are important to many other animals (some of which are endangered themselves) that make use of the gopher tortoise's burrow. Here's one of many articles that mention so: http://www.edf.org/article.cfm?contentID=4498

 

[Marty333]

Thank you so much I hope I will be able to explain it if he replies

 

[Kristina]

Great letter, and a great cause!

Some ideas to make it appeal more to the mayor - make sure to edit it very carefully for spelling, capitalization and punctuation errors. I would also remove some of the excess punctuation and make your exclamation points into periods. The more serious and professional it looks, the more likely the mayor will be to act on it.

If you want some help editing, like a peer edit, let me know and I would be more than happy to help you

Great job!

 

[Marty333]

Awesome thanks Kristina its great to know I can rely on a lot of people for help and support!!!

 

[egyptiandan]

There are people helping Marta

You need to read this website and I'm sure you could help with what they are doing in your area.
http://www.ashtonbiodiversity.org/

Danny

 

[Candy]

Great job and great letter too. I'm glad to see you're fighting to protect something that you love. Good luck to you. Let us know when he responds to you.

 

[harris]

You, kiddo, are a role model for your peers.

 

[Angi]

Good for you for getting involved.

 

[fhintz]

Very awesome of you to do that. I do agree with Kristina that you might want to ease back on the exclamation points a bit, but its fairly well written as is.

If you don't get anywhere with the Mayor, Florida does have a Department of Environmental Protection that you can try:

http://www.dep.state.fl.us/secretary/ps/comment.htm

Good luck!

Frank

 

[shmily1605]

Great idea...I think it sounds good

 

[HarleyK]

I made some suggestions in bold. It's great that you are taking some sort of initiative.

Hi everyone I have been trying to raise awareness about Florida Gophers because I feel no when is doing anything anymore to help save them so I sent an email to Orlando's mayor and here it is

"Dear Mayor Buddy Dyer,

Hi My name is Marta Schwarz and I live in (undisclosed area) Florida.I am 15 and I am currently home schooled. You may be wondering why I'm not talking to my city mayor about this and the reason is because I want to talk to someone who has more power authority? and can make my dream come true!! (avoid unnecessary punctuation marks) I have always had a passion for tortoises and I am very worried about our beloved Florida Gopher Tortoise. I understand very well that they are an endangered species and I don't think we are doing enough to save these magnificent creatures. (explain why you think they are magnificent) The main reason for their decline is construction. People think Florida needs more houses but no we don't!! We have many homes and communities that are filing for bankruptcy! When we build more and more homes that means we are killing more and more tortoises!! You may think that tortoises aren't a big deal but every animal plays an important role in the environment! Gopher Tortoises are one of the oldest tortoise species in the world! They originated in North America more than 60 million years ago!! Why would we want to watch this species just die out when they have so much history?! Please if you want to hear more about my plan and dream email me back! I doubt you will read this message but I hope you will come across it. and think hmmm this sounds interesting (you probably don't need this last part)!



Yours Truly,

Marta Schwarz, 15"

So what do you think?? Sorry I don't feel comfortable putting my exact city on the internet. I hope he reads it and then maybe I can take a next step!! By the way if this is in the wrong place mods feel free to move it!!

 

[Marty333]

I made some suggestions in bold. It's great that you are taking some sort of initiative.

Hi everyone I have been trying to raise awareness about Florida Gophers because I feel no when is doing anything anymore to help save them so I sent an email to Orlando's mayor and here it is

"Dear Mayor Buddy Dyer,

Hi My name is Marta Schwarz and I live in (undisclosed area) Florida.I am 15 and I am currently home schooled. You may be wondering why I'm not talking to my city mayor about this and the reason is because I want to talk to someone who has more power authority? and can make my dream come true!! (avoid unnecessary punctuation marks) I have always had a passion for tortoises and I am very worried about our beloved Florida Gopher Tortoise. I understand very well that they are an endangered species and I don't think we are doing enough to save these magnificent creatures. (explain why you think they are magnificent) The main reason for their decline is construction. People think Florida needs more houses but no we don't!! We have many homes and communities that are filing for bankruptcy! When we build more and more homes that means we are killing more and more tortoises!! You may think that tortoises aren't a big deal but every animal plays an important role in the environment! Gopher Tortoises are one of the oldest tortoise species in the world! They originated in North America more than 60 million years ago!! Why would we want to watch this species just die out when they have so much history?! Please if you want to hear more about my plan and dream email me back! I doubt you will read this message but I hope you will come across it. and think hmmm this sounds interesting (you probably don't need this last part)!



Yours Truly,

Marta Schwarz, 15"

So what do you think?? Sorry I don't feel comfortable putting my exact city on the internet. I hope he reads it and then maybe I can take a next step!! By the way if this is in the wrong place mods feel free to move it!!

Thank you so much for the suggestions