Prairie Mom
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2014
- Messages
- 4,335
So, I've been thinking a bit about your question on how to help them adjust. I don't meant to take up so much room on your thread. I 'm kind of a fast typer and have been known to accidentally leave novels. Please forgive me if you feel I'm writing too much about the subject.
If you don't mind, I'd like to share some thoughts I have about the adjustment that's been on your mind. It's hard to give specific advice not knowing what age range you are looking into, but I do have three--no, four-- bits of advice that would have been helpful for me to understand, so I'll post them in hopes that it may be of use to you, now later, or even to someone else who comes across this...
-First, if you are not completely certain about what age range you plan to adopt in, BECOME CERTAIN. Take a break from looking at all the children in need and really focus on what you think would be best for your family. Then, once you think you have an idea, do everything you can to learn about the experiences of other adoptive parents who have adopted within that age range.
-I heard a famous psychologist say this once and he was dead right!...Change the name of your process from "Adoption" to "LEGALIZED KIDNAPPING." Then, and only then, will Parents begin to understand how your adopted child feels. Even newborn babies understand when they have been removed from their birthmother. They have cortisol flooded systems and if their emotional needs have ever gone unmet they can develop serious bonding and attachment issues which could potentially affect them for life. I would also add to this that your child will not be Grateful that you adopted them, at least not yet
Which leads me to my next tidbit...
-Every adopted child is a traumatized child. Again whether they are an infant or nearly an adult. Trauma can come from one single event or be caused by extreme stress over a period of time. Losing everything you've ever known and being put with strangers is stressful! Not to mention many of these kids have actually experienced truly neglectful and traumatic events in their young lives. Many children feel as if they've had no control over their lives and will often use extreme and harmful measures to feel like they are controlling their surroundings. Continue you're awesome research and put a huge emphasis on how PTSD manifests in children. I would also strongly advise you or anyone else to put together a list of resources like babysitters for when you need a break and *research good adoption therapists in your area. A good therapist is truly a gift!
-Finally, remember "If it's good for the parents, it's good for the child." I guarantee you that your marriage is about to be tried in ways you would not have predicted. Keep nurturing your marriage especially when you feel crabby and things aren't going as you wish they would have.
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Alright, sorry for the novella. I really do wish you every success and happiness in the world!
If you don't mind, I'd like to share some thoughts I have about the adjustment that's been on your mind. It's hard to give specific advice not knowing what age range you are looking into, but I do have three--no, four-- bits of advice that would have been helpful for me to understand, so I'll post them in hopes that it may be of use to you, now later, or even to someone else who comes across this...
-First, if you are not completely certain about what age range you plan to adopt in, BECOME CERTAIN. Take a break from looking at all the children in need and really focus on what you think would be best for your family. Then, once you think you have an idea, do everything you can to learn about the experiences of other adoptive parents who have adopted within that age range.
-I heard a famous psychologist say this once and he was dead right!...Change the name of your process from "Adoption" to "LEGALIZED KIDNAPPING." Then, and only then, will Parents begin to understand how your adopted child feels. Even newborn babies understand when they have been removed from their birthmother. They have cortisol flooded systems and if their emotional needs have ever gone unmet they can develop serious bonding and attachment issues which could potentially affect them for life. I would also add to this that your child will not be Grateful that you adopted them, at least not yet
Which leads me to my next tidbit...-Every adopted child is a traumatized child. Again whether they are an infant or nearly an adult. Trauma can come from one single event or be caused by extreme stress over a period of time. Losing everything you've ever known and being put with strangers is stressful! Not to mention many of these kids have actually experienced truly neglectful and traumatic events in their young lives. Many children feel as if they've had no control over their lives and will often use extreme and harmful measures to feel like they are controlling their surroundings. Continue you're awesome research and put a huge emphasis on how PTSD manifests in children. I would also strongly advise you or anyone else to put together a list of resources like babysitters for when you need a break and *research good adoption therapists in your area. A good therapist is truly a gift!
-Finally, remember "If it's good for the parents, it's good for the child." I guarantee you that your marriage is about to be tried in ways you would not have predicted. Keep nurturing your marriage especially when you feel crabby and things aren't going as you wish they would have.
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Alright, sorry for the novella. I really do wish you every success and happiness in the world!
