What they never tell you before you get a tortoise

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JoesMum

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It's been a beautiful day here - a high of 27C (80F)... again.

Today's job was re-oiling the garden furniture... and, as I scrubbed away the winter's grime, I had plenty of time to ponder tortoise keeping while fending off Joe.

When you get a tortoise... they never tell you:

● That your garden will never EVER be yours to call your own again.

● Weeds need to be cultivated, not tidied away

● Sweeping up is almost impossible when a tortoise is trying to make love to the broom and is turbo powered by sunshine

● The plants you like best are the ones most likely to be the ones your tort likes to eat best... to the ground... in seconds

● Sunbathing in the garden is out (my teenagers) :
Joe005s.jpg


● Your tortoise may have an irrational hatred (might be a burgeoning love affair, it's hard to tell) with the gardening equipment/wheelie bin/...

● You always need a helper to fend off the tortoise when mowing the lawn:
Joe024.jpg


What did they never tell you? :D
 

wellington

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That's too funny. If they told all that, they wouldn't get anyone to buy them LOL. I new my yard was going to be lost to my tortoise and I also new that the new sod we just had put in 2weeks before I decide to get my tortoise, was now a waist of money and I wanted the old sod and weeds back. However, my poor husband didn't get the clue. Until one day, he said he was going to fertilize the yard. Mind you, right now my yard is separate from my tort pen. I had a fit, and had to tell him, that the yard is no longer his, it's Tatums and there is no more treating it, we need the weeds. Luckily, after the shock, he just said fine and walked away. Now he gets it LOL:D
 

Tortoise

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They never tell you that they make bubbles in the bath!!! Or that 2 different species of tortoises orgling different tones in your living room can sound like a unique band and scare off the neighbours who don't know you well enough!!
 

JoesMum

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Your tortoise and you will constantly disagree about the suitability of a sleeping place:
Joe.jpg


It's obviously going to be a warm 'no duvet' night tonight if he's gone to sleep on the patio. I have tried moving him... twice, but he just moves back :D

The board is for our other disagreement... he likes to walk round and round the shed, I disagree as he wears his claws down too quickly... the board stops him :D
 

Zamric

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They dont tell you that a grown Sulcata can poop more and larger than a very large dog! :p (even if it does look like bales of hay)
 

JoesMum

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Zamric said:
They dont tell you that a grown Sulcata can poop more and larger than a very large dog! :p (even if it does look like bales of hay)
They don't tell you how much any of them can poop. It seems quite disproportionate to what you would think fits inside the shell! It's not like the shell is stretchy or anything! :D
 

Merlin M

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JoesMum said:
They don't tell you how much any of them can poop. It seems quite disproportionate to what you would think fits inside the shell! It's not like the shell is stretchy or anything! :D

you sure? I would have thought the shells had some give, given how much my 2 can eat in one sitting!
 

tami

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Nobody told me how much I would worry about my tortoises constantly!!!
 
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