Need mainly a woman's opinions but others are welcome

Status
Not open for further replies.

dmmj

The member formerly known as captain awesome
10 Year Member!
Joined
Aug 15, 2008
Messages
19,698
Location (City and/or State)
CA
So as you may or may not know I am single mainly by choice, but I think I would like someone to do stuff with, which brings me to my question. I go every tuesday to a fast food place ( yoshinoya) and every time I go there is this girl, cute, smart nice all the qualities I look for. So every time I go in she always ask me how I am doing, how things are, she works the drive thru I use the walk up counter, and she always comes by and talk and smiles. So I wonder is she just being nice? or something else else? I will admit I am gun shy around woman and as someone who has been shot down many many times, over the years I am little (hell little make that a lot) hesitant to ask anyone out period. Over the years it has jut been easier to not ask than risk rejection yet again. So opinions, I know it is hard to give advice like this over the internet, but I would appreciate any thoughts, comments, and what not you may have. Of course the worst part is I don't know if she likes turtles and tortoises but I will cross that bridge much later. I am not looking for anything serious right now, just someone to go out and do stuff with. so tell me am I being delusional? or does she show signs of interest? I would like mainly women's thoughts ( mainly because they would know better since they probably did similar stuff in the past) of course anyone who has any insight will be welcome to post or if you think I should just ignore it, that would be ok to, so tell me people.
Ok I will stop rambling now.
 

Skyler Nell

Member
5 Year Member
Joined
Apr 2, 2010
Messages
449
Location (City and/or State)
Southern CA
Hmm it's kind of difficult to say because I can't see the way she's acting.
I know from experience, (I work at a restaurant) that I always ask the regulars how they're doing, what's new, ect.
So it's kinda hard to tell.
I think you should listen to that basketball saying..."You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". You'll never know if you don't ask, and if someone were to very politely ask me on a date when i wasn't interested or had a boyfriend or something, I'd feel flattered and wouldn't think any less of that person.
So imho, go for it :)
 

Kristina

Well-Known Member
10 Year Member!
Joined
Dec 18, 2008
Messages
5,383
Location (City and/or State)
Cadillac, Michigan
It is kind of hard to tell sometimes... I always try to be extra nice to all of my customers, and it has been taken the wrong way before. I have had to learn to be very careful to make as much eye contact, etc. with the woman as the man when talking to a couple. I don't flirt intentionally, but apparently it comes out that way when I don't mean it to.

In your situation, I would look at it like this. What is going to happen if you ask this girl out, and she says no? Are you going to be embarrassed to the point where you won't go back again? What is more important to you? Your routine, or the hope that maybe something good can come out of asking her out?

I had a guy come in to where I work a couple of months ago and ask me out on a date. (I happen to be VERY happily married.) I felt bad for him, he was so nervous he could barely speak above a whisper. I told him I was married, but that it was flattering and thanks for asking. I didn't see him again for two months and he used to come in once a week. He finally came back the other day, but he was so embarrassed he couldn't look me in the eye.

I would do this - ask her if she has a boyfriend or is seeing anyone. It isn't exactly asking her out. But it will be clear to her that you have some interest. If she says she does, just smile and say, "Oh, well that is too bad." If she doesn't, ask her to lunch or for coffee. Don't go all romantic dinner for the first date. Keep it a light "no pressure" atmosphere. Movies aren't a good idea in my opinion either, no chance to get to know each other.
 
M

Maggie Cummings

Guest
You'll never get anywhere if you don't try...so I would be honest with her and just ask her out for a cup of coffee, or ask her to join you for your meal there. Tell her you are not wanting to come on to her or anything like that, just ask her if she would be interested in having a cup of coffee with you or even a lunch. An informal meal (lunch) is much less scary then an actual date.
Come on up here to Oregon I love your personality, I think you're a scream...I'd go out with you and I don't date at all...:)
 

Missy

New Member
5 Year Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2010
Messages
1,676
Location (City and/or State)
Illinois
Well first off, guys think that I am interested in them all the time cause I try to be nice to everyone. I never get upset when someone asks me out, I just say I am married but we can be friends. I have lots of guy friends. That said, she must be nice because she tries to start conversations with you. You should just ask, so what do you do outside of work? That way you can get a better idea of who she is and if you have anything in common. Then if you find out you share a common interest then ask if she would like to go together to whatever it is. I think you should just go for it, shucks what girl doesn't wanna hear...I like reptiles how bought you, LOL.
 

October

Member
5 Year Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2011
Messages
493
Location (City and/or State)
San Tan Valley, Arizona
I would ask her. It could be one of two things. 1 - She likes you. 2 - She's just a sweet person who goes out of her way to be friendly. With option 1, there's potential for more. With Option 2 there's potential for companionship.

She's not a cocktail waitress trying to hustle tips. She's someone going above and beyond the minimum. Rejection sucks eggs, but in the long run, like Skylar said, you could be missing something wonderful because you didn't try.

Go DMMJ! :D
 

ascott

Well-Known Member
10 Year Member!
Joined
Apr 10, 2011
Messages
16,138
Location (City and/or State)
Apple Valley, California
Ahh go for it! We women are not so scary...we love to talk and sounds like this gal enjoys speaking with you....and if you try to get to know her a bit better then awesome...and if you put it out there and she is not receptive I bet she wont think any different of ya...that is if she is any caliber of woman...and if not well better to know huh? I already think it to some gusto from you to put yourself out there like you have here...and see we still think you rock solid cap....
 

bikerchicspain

New Member
5 Year Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2009
Messages
1,316
Location (City and/or State)
spain
In my opinion its better to get a no than never knowing!
I am a very shy person too, so i know where your coming from, But what the hell. if we all had hindsight we would never make mistakes.

Just be yourself, people have to like you for you and what you have inside, Most women would that a guy with animals is very caring and we like that..

I would just start chatting with her about your torts, most women find them soo cute, it could be an ice breaker,
Then if you have a zoo near you maybe you could ask her if she would like to go see them sometime,

Good luck
 

onarock

New Member
5 Year Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2010
Messages
1,190
Location (City and/or State)
Hawaii
Dude... you need to get that confidence level up a few knotches. Go about it as if you dont care either way.
 

Yvonne G

Old Timer
TFO Admin
10 Year Member!
Platinum Tortoise Club
Joined
Jan 23, 2008
Messages
93,405
Location (City and/or State)
Clovis, CA
David: The next time you're chatting with her, ask her if you could buy her a coke when she has her break. You'll know how the cow ate the cabbage by the way she answers you.
 

jensgotfaith

Member
5 Year Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2010
Messages
408
Location (City and/or State)
Rocklin, CA
I totally agree with Kristina. Take that step and find out if she's seeing anyone. You'll never know if you don't try.
 

Zouave

Member
5 Year Member
Joined
Apr 5, 2011
Messages
376
Location (City and/or State)
Toronto
step 1 look in to mirror and repeat after me, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me."

lol sorry couldn't resist! :p

Seriously though
1 Be confident in yourself
2 Don't over think or over plan, go with the flow
3 Brush yer teeth and spray yer pits
4 Smile and keep eye contact
5 Relax and be yourself

You'll be golden my friend! :thumbs up:
 

Laura

Well-Known Member
10 Year Member!
5 Year Member
Joined
Sep 5, 2007
Messages
7,502
Location (City and/or State)
Foothills above Sacramento CA
your dog is cute.. if she is going out of her way to come say hi, thre is something there.
ask her to sit with you on her next break or ask some sort of question about torts.. see if she is the least interested.. if so.. give her your email.. you can send her pics..
Wear a tortoise shirt and see if she says anything..
and check her hand for rings!
 

GeoTerraTestudo

Active Member
5 Year Member
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
3,311
Location (City and/or State)
Broomfield, Colorado
Hey dude,

I recently got married, but I also used to get shot down a lot. One thing I know now that I wish I had known then is that men think they make the first move, but in actually the vast majority of the time, women make the first move by giving inviting body language. Men are very prone to misinterpreting friendly behavior as flirting, and also may miss actual advances, so it is obviously tricky.

The thing is, there are some tell-tale signs that women tend to use (probably without even realizing it) that let a guy know they want him to ask them out. These include open-mouth smiling - not just close-lipped smiles or grins, but smiles that actually show the teeth. Others are lowering the head and looking up, or tilting the head to one side and exposing the neck, and then looking at the guy from the corner of the eye. Tossing the hair is another cue, as is exposing the underside of the wrist. Tilting the hips is often another cue.

Many of these courtship behaviors are actually very to similar to those of other primate species, but some are unique, and most appear to be innate to our species because they are observed all over the world. However, we humans use our brains and our spoken language so much that we can overlook these instinctive body language signals. Men' repertoire of signals overlaps with that of women, but we also have a few unique to us. What all these signals have in common is they accentuate our gender (male or female), and they make us seem less intimidating, and more inviting and approachable to those we are interested in.

Obviously, people are different, and again, because we are smart, we can often "override" our impulses to flirt, etc. Nevertheless, we often do betray our real emotions whether we want to or not. It just takes some observation to figure this out. So, to answer your question, maybe she's just being friendly, or maybe she is actually flirting with you. Look for those characteristic signals I mentioned above: open-mouthed smiling, tilting of the head, looking indirectly at you, exposing the wrists, and standing with the hips cocked. If you don't see some of these signals, then odds are she is just being friendly. But if you see a few of these cues, and if she does it more than once, then she may be hoping you ask her out. Let us know what happens. :)
 

lynnedit

Well-Known Member
10 Year Member!
Joined
Feb 25, 2011
Messages
5,730
Location (City and/or State)
Southwest Washington
People miss so many opportunities!
She obviously likes you as a person.
So, unless she is committed to someone, it is well worth asking, in a nice, sort of indirect way as others have suggested.
At the worst, she will say no but will be flattered.
If she says yes, that is the first step.
I think most people don't mind being approached, if it is tactful and respectful.
Good luck!
 

Fernando

Active Member
10 Year Member!
Joined
Jan 12, 2011
Messages
2,188
Location (City and/or State)
Southern California
Do it!...Do it!...Do it!

This is what I used to do...strike up a conversation of something that you think she might be interested in, then casually ask if she'd like to continue it over lunch or something. Maybe ask when her break is and see if she'd want to sit down with you for a minute and hang out.
 

John

New Member
5 Year Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2010
Messages
1,081
Listen man you are going about this all wrong, if you want advice on women you don't ask women, you need to talk to some guys that have been married ten years or more, they are easy to spot just look for guys with a far away stare that don't seem to hear so well anymore. Anyway at the end of the day it comes down to kahoneys.
 

Cfr200

Active Member
10 Year Member!
Joined
Jun 25, 2010
Messages
233
Location (City and/or State)
Springfield, Mo
Don't listen to guys who have been married for years, that is like your pet giving a wild animal advice on how to survive in the wild. Just ask her if she would like to sit down with you on her break and talk a few minutes. You will learn all you need to know from this little no pressure chat.
 

african cake queen

Well-Known Member
5 Year Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2011
Messages
2,212
Location (City and/or State)
ct.usa
hi, go for it. please dont let life pass you by. i didnt get married til i was 38. it was the best thing i ever did.think of youself like a turtle with a hard shell. if she saids no , let it bounce off and till be friends and know someone else is just waiting for you. its hard but if i found someone , so can you! be brave. lindy
 

Jessicap

Member
5 Year Member
Joined
Nov 27, 2010
Messages
478
Location (City and/or State)
Wisconsin
It sounds like you don't want a committed relationship anyway so what would the difference be if she says no? Fiind out what kind of things interest her (during your conversations ask lots of questions... and then LISTEN) If there is an event coming up (it is fair season) let her know you where planning on attending and ask if she would be interested in coming along. Ask like you would any other friend. (Think of her as just one of the guys... lol)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top