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CourtneyAndCarl

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GBtortoises said:
Christianity "assumed" humans to be monogamous. Not mother nature.

Unless they're a homosexual pair, it takes more than a male to make it cheating.

Very much agreed. Even in early biblical times, it was perfectly acceptable for a man to have more than one wife. It's a human male's nature to want to spread his genes to as many offspring as possible, and it's a human female's nature to want to find a mate that is most fitting to father her children. Therefore, men cheat to make more babies, and women cheat because they no longer find their mate "acceptable", at least that's my opinion. But once again, I am never planning on having a romantic relationship with anyone and it's all purely scientific stuff coming out of this head of mine.
 

Jacqui

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futureleopardtortoise said:
But once again, I am never planning on having a romantic relationship with anyone and it's all purely scientific stuff coming out of this head of mine.

:D :D Famous last words I once also recall making. :D :D
 

Kerryann

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Some people, men and women don't want fidelity but also want to have a warm body at home. I know unfortunately a lot of people like this and I think it is becoming more common.
My story is that I was married before my current husband.. who by the way is an absolute peach :D. I had dated my ex for eight years and he was my best friend until we got married. When we discussed getting married we agreed that I should really put my effort into my career because I had the potential for a lot of advancement and he was more blue collar with less chance of advancement and reward. We agreed that after five years we would have a kid and then he would be a stay at home dad.
I was working 80 hour weeks and he was out partying a lot. I didn't have any issue with him being out and never had any ounce of jealousy. He loved the lavish lifestyle my job provided and took full advantage of spending every penny I laid into his hands. After about six months he began to accuse me of cheating on him. I had almost doubled my income in less than a year and was working my butt off to increase it even more. He couldn't comprehend that my compensation doesn't come in the form of an hourly wage but in bonuses and salary increases. He was more than happy to spend what I was earning but couldn't comprehend how I didn't get overtime like he did in his hourly job. He even had some of our mutual friends hounding me about how I must be cheating with my boss or something (yeah because as a female to get ahead apparently you do it on your back :rolleyes:)
I ended up getting very sick a year after we married. I was in the hospital and they told me I had a 50% chance of living and if I did live I would need a heart transplant. Word spread throughout my friends and one girl messaged me my first night in the hospital and told me he was cheating. She apparently couldn't live with knowing and me not knowing on my death bed. She had crappy timing!! He was cheating with a girl who was a friend of a friend. Looking back I could have seen the signs, but I am trusting.
So I confronted him that night and he admitted it. I told him to pack his bags and be out before I was out of the hospital. We divorced and then a lot of friends and family came out of the woodwork and knew but didn't want to get involved.
Afterwards I felt a lot of the blame for what went wrong. I did/do work 80 hours a week and for someone with a different job mentality and work ethic that could be hard.
I am now married someone who is more like myself. My husband is a professional who is driven and is a workaholic too. He is my best friend also and we have the same hobbies.
My ex and I have a lot of mutual friends still so I see information about him come up on facebook from time to time. He married this girl who is a borics/fantastic sams hairstylist and they live in her grandmas basement. More power to them and it made me think he might not have cared so much about the money. They have two kids and everything else seemed so happy that I would see. I was happy for him.. pissed that I ended up getting a lot of money taken from me in the divorce, but happy for him. Seeing all of that with the kids and the "happiness" he had, I really thought it was me. Recently, I saw a picture of him at a party hanging all over the girl he cheated on me with (who is not his wife!)... which let me know.. this is about him.. It's not about me. It made me realize he is probably still up to his old tricks.
I know it was long and rambly but I hope it helps. His cheating is a reflection of him and not a reflection of you. I beat myself up for the last six years about how I wasn't good enough too keep my first marriage together. Don't beat yourself up.
 

CourtneyAndCarl

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Jacqui said:
futureleopardtortoise said:
But once again, I am never planning on having a romantic relationship with anyone and it's all purely scientific stuff coming out of this head of mine.

:D :D Famous last words I once also recall making. :D :D


I call it being disinterested, my therapist calls it asexuality... and as a Buddhist, the general idea of sexual relationships is kind of frowned upon :p
 

Terry Allan Hall

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Vishnu2 said:
So, without explaining or giving a long drawn out story I am curious, men and women forum people.

Why do men cheat?

I know that there are theories of why women cheat and then why men do it. But, I am curious why you think. Or if you have and want to confess, why you did it.

Thanks,

Vishnu

Happily married, for a bit over 16 years, to my best friend/soulmate/object of many delightful fantasies, and I never have done cheated on her (or any other woman), can't imagine ever doing so, but here's my theories, for whatever they may be worth:

Some guys are involved with or married to the wrong woman, and their needs, for whatever reason, are not getting met and they lack the cojones to get out of that situation. Even then, couple therapy could be tried, so as to salvage the relationship (sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't).

Some guys have such low self-esteem that they have to keep proving how macho and/or studly they are to themselves. Kinda pathetic, and therapy caqn help these guys, too, sometimes.

Some guys are just out and out stupid. You really can't cure this kind of stupid, I suspect.

emysemys said:
I don't think the male human animal was meant to be monogamous. I believe it takes quite a bit of will power to resist if the temptation is put in front of him.

If you have the good luck to be with the right lady, it requires no will power...it honestly never even crosses your mind. :)

dmmj said:
Real men don't cheat. A real man is to busy finding ways to show his love to his wife/GF to think about cheating.

Precisely!

acrantophis said:
I am a forty year old male. I have never cheated on a girl in my life. I have been married now for ten years. To a woman who is my best friend. Do I find other women attractive? Duh, yes. I work as a personal trainer in southern California. I get bombarded every day. We are animals. It is wired in all male animals brains to spread your genes with other potentially good genetic pairings. But I truly love my wife. I sleep every night like a baby knowing that there are no skeletons in my closet. No late night phone calls to get me in trouble. I would be devastated if my wife cheated on me. How could I do that to her? Some men have no honor. I see it at the gym every day. I hate drama and I love my life. Nothing is worth risking that.

Well said!

futureleopardtortoise said:
I call it being disinterested, my therapist calls it asexuality... and as a Buddhist, the general idea of sexual relationships is kind of frowned upon :p

Hmmmm...one must wonder where little Buddhists come from, then...

Studied w/ a Hinayana (Lesser Vehicle) Buddhist priest for 7 years, and the Hinayana school of thought seems OK with all aspects of relationships, so long as they're loving ones.
 
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