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dmmj

The member formerly known as captain awesome
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DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!
Jen's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had
to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key
under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll
post you a cheque."
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But,
whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
"I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Jen's flat the following day, he
discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he had ever seen. But,
just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the him
go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't
contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

I asked my doctor about my weird dreams I have been having. The other night I dreamed I was a tee-pee, last night I dreamed I was a wig-wam. What does this mean? He replied, "Thats easy, Your two tents..."

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The barte...nder replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"
 

wellington

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LOL loved the first one. Kinda didn't get the second one, the third one, well I thought it was going some place other then a pool:p:D
 
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