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ESIO TROT by Tidgy's Dad.

Discussion in 'Books, Music, Movies, and other media' started by Tidgy's Dad, Jul 30, 2017.

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  1. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Now, I expect many of you are familiar with the book, "Esio Trot" by the inimitable Roald Dahl and superbly illustrated by Quentin Blake.
    I had a copy but before I moved to Morocco sold it, along with thousands of other books, as it was simply too expensive to transport everything we owned out here.:(
    We did bring a few hundred books and have been buying new ones and replacing old favourites ever since.
    In Spain last week, I purchased a copy of "Esio Trot".

    Hoooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:):tort::<3:

    And read it again and then read it to wifey in a bar one evening.
    It's a lovely little read, truly adorable.

    However, i noticed with my newly acquired, up-to-date Tortoise Forum knowledge, that some of the tortoise care in this book is incorrect and possibly dangerous.
    So, I have decided to rectify this and write an updated version.
    This will be appearing here, in episodic form, over the next few weeks.
    I think I have too much time on my hands.
    Watch this space. :)
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  2. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    (These ads do not appear for registered members.)
    WIN_20170730_162644.JPG WIN_20170730_163334.JPG
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  3. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    INTRODUCING
    (dramatis personae)

    MR ADAM
    20170731_170246.jpg



    ALFIE
    20170731_170718.jpg

    MRS WIFEY
    20170731_171141.jpg

    PET-SHOP OWNER
    20170731_184814.jpg

    THE TORTOISE-CATCHER
    20170731_171319.jpg
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  4. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Other books by Tidgy's Dad


    101 Dog's Eggs
    There Has Been a Magnificent Mistake
    1,000 Films to Fall Asleep In Before You Die
    TV's Top Fifty Great Cheese Moments
    Teach Your Tortoise Darts
    Mole Machine Projects For Small Gardens



    For older readers

    Eat Yourself Fat
    Lose Weight With Extreme Shaving
    Fazzale : Pimp Your Farts
    Bedroom Secrets of the Boardroom Batman
    Gillian M, Laura1412, Pearly and 2 others like this.
  5. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Header.JPG
    20170801_022216.jpg




    Photographs by wifey





    upload_2017-8-1_3-4-38.jpeg
    Armadillo Books
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  6. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Catcher2.jpg
    Alfie says, " Find out more about Tidgy's Dad by visiting his thread at http://www.tortoiseforum.org/threads/cold-dark-room.123941/ "



    ARMADILLO BOOKS


    Published by The Insectivore Group
    Insectivore Books Ltd, The Cold Dark Room, Tortoise Forum
    Insectivore Group (USA) Inc, The Cold Dark Room, Tortoise Forum
    Insectivore Books Germany Ltd, The Cold Dark Room, Tortoise Forum
    Insectivore Books Morocco Ltd, The Cold Dark Room, Tortoise Forum
    Insectivore Books Turkey (P) Ltd, The Cold Dark Room, Tortoise Forum
    Insectivore Group (Canada) Ltd, cur The Cold Dark Room, Tortoise Forum
    Insectivore Books (Scotland) (Pty) Ltd, The Cold Dark Room, Tortoise Forum.
    And maybe in Wales.

    Insectivore Books Ltd, Registered Offices, The Cold Dark Room, Tortoise Forum.

    www.tortoiseforum.org

    First published by Adam 2017
    Published in Armadillo Books 2017
    This edition has been produced exclusively for Tortoise Forum Members 2017
    1


    Text copyright Tidgy's Dad with apologies to Roald Dahl 2017
    Photographs copyright wifey with apologies to Quentin Blake 2017
    All right reserved


    The amoral right of the author and photographer has been asserted

    Set in whatever font this is.

    Made and typed in Morocco by my hands plc.

    Except in the United States of America, this book is not likely to be sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or other things, be bent, sold, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher's prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than any you may wish to glue on if you've actually gone to the trouble of printing this off, which i doubt you're bonkers enough to do anyway, and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent publisher.
    or whatever.

    British Library Cataloguing not in Publication Data
    A CIP catalogue record for this book is unavailable from the British Library

    ISBN 0-013-220965-X
  7. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    To All At Tortoise Forum
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  8. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Author's Note

    Some years ago, when I was a little child, we had two tortoises that we kept in the garden. in those days, a pet tortoise or two was a common sight crawling across the family lawn or back yard. You could buy them quite cheaply in any pet-shop and they were probably the least troublesome of all childhood pets because they were left pretty much to their own devices , and were quite harmless.
    Tortoises use to be brought into the UK by the thousand, packed in crates, and they came mostly from North Africa, Morocco in particular. But a good few years ago, a law was passed that made it illegal to bring any of these tortoises into the country. This was not done to protect us. The little tortoise was not a danger to anybody. It was done purely out of kindness to the tortoise itself. You see, the traders who brought them in used to cram thousands of them tightly into the packing-crates without food or water and in such horrible conditions that a great many of them always died on the sea-journey over (and the number of wild tortoises in some countries was being drastically reduced). So rather than allow this cruelty to go on, the Government stopped the whole business letting the Moroccans just sell them as toys in their own markets instead.
    The things you are going to read about in this story all happened in the days when anyone could go out and buy a nice little tortoise from a pet shop.
    Sort of..............
  9. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Page 1
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  10. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Page 2
    (That one was easy-peasy)
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  11. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Mr Adam lived in a smallish flat quite high up in a tallish stone and plaster building. he lived alone. He has always been a lonely man and now he was retired from work (at 39) he was more lonely than ever.
    There were two loves in Mr Adam's life. One was the flowers her grew on his balcony. They grew in pots and tubs and baskets (most of which are not visible in the picture), and in summer the little balcony became a riot of colour.
    Mr Adam's second love was a secret he kept entirely to himself. (and it wasn't cheese, not in this story).




    Page 3
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  12. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Mr Adam has also just noticed his hunchback due to years of slouching about on chairs and the sofa, not standing up straight and bending over peering at small plants and animals as well as spending decades doubled up looking for fossils. Goodness.
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  13. Pearly

    Pearly Well-Known Member

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    My Dear Cousin! What a great story!!!! Love the reading and all the pictures. As for your back you seem to be standing up quite straight and that arch upon bending down seems to be more of a very elastic spine and strong back muscles that are use used to constant work out of bending down. Please take care of that spine, excercise to keep your back and abs strong, I think Pilates is a good work out for that but I wouldn't know first hand as I do not exercise myself.... , get a massage when you can... in Morocco they may have some cool variation of both
  14. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    The terrace immediately below Mr Adam's balcony jutted out a good bit further from the main building than his own, so Mr Adam always had a fine view of what was going on down there. This terrace belonged to an attractive middle-aged lady called Mrs wifey. Mrs wifey was a widow who also lived alone.
    And although she didn't know it, it was she who was the object of Mr Adam's secret love. He had loved her from his balcony for many years, but he was a very shy man (ahem) and he had never been able to bring himself to give her even the smallest hint of his love.
    Every morning, Mr Adam and Mrs wifey exchanged polite conversation, the one looking down from above, the other looking up, but that was as far as it ever went. The distance between them might not have been more than a few yards, but to Mr Adam it seemed like a million miles. He longed to invite Mrs wifey up for a cup of tea, coffee or Chablis and a biscuit or some cheese, but every time he was about to form the words on his lips, his courage failed him. As I said, he was a very very shy man.
    [​IMG]The airplane should have been flying over the last picture but I forgot.
    Satellite Dishes.jpg




    Page 4
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  15. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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  16. Big Charlie

    Big Charlie Well-Known Member

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    I'm impatiently waiting for the next installment!
  17. ZEROPILOT

    ZEROPILOT Well-Known Member 5 Year Member Platinum Tortoise Club Tortoise Club

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    Yes. It's getting very interesting.
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  18. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Oh, if only, he kept telling himself, if only he could do something tremendous like saving her life or rescuing her from a gang or armed cheese robbers, if only he could perform some great feat that would make him a hero in her eyes.
    If only...............................






    Page 6
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  19. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    The trouble with Mrs wifey was that she gave all her love to somebody else, and that somebody was a small tortoise called Alfie Every day, when Mr Adam looked over his balcony and saw Mrs wifey whispering endearments to Alfie and stroking his shell, he felt absurdly jealous, a real case of Tortoise Envy. He wouldn't even have minded becoming a tortoise himself if it meant Mrs wifey stroking his shell each morning and whispering endearments to him.
    20170807_170841-2.jpg




    Page 7
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  20. Tidgy's Dad

    Tidgy's Dad Well-Known Member

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    Alfie had been with Mrs wifey for years, and in Mr Adam's humble opinion it was a miracle he was still alive, and he lived on her balcony summer and winter. Mr Adam had joined Tortoise Forum, which was pretty clever as it hadn't been invented yet, and knew that the terrace was terribly bad on Alfie's feet and legs, though it did keep his claws and beak trimmed nicely. He was also aware that Horsfield tortoises, for Alfie was a Testudo horsfieldii known as Horsfields in the UK and Russians everywhere else, except Russia, probably, were excellent climbers and diggers and Alfie would be happier with a substrate such as fine grade orchid bark, coco coir or even cypress mulch to burrow into. But Mr Adam was too shy to say anything.
    Planks originally had been placed around the sides of the balcony so that Alfie could walk about without toppling over the edge, but these had been replaced with much higher walls after Alfie had been seen climbing them and Mrs wifey had heard at the bingo from her friend Mrs Moozillion that a Horsfield had recently been found at Base Camp Three on Everest.
    And in one corner of the balcony was a little house into which Alfie would crawl every night to keep warm.

    When the cold weather came along in November, Mrs wifey would fill Alfie's house with dry hay, which would make Alfie sneeze and sometimes got wet and moldy,(sigh), and the tortoise would crawl in there and bury himself deep under the hay and go to sleep for months on end without food or water. This was called hibernating by Mrs wifey and brumating by Mr Adam who was right, as usual. But he was too shy to correct her.




    Page 8
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2017
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