Does anyone have anger issues/prone to violence?

NewTortEnthusiast

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Hello all.

I don't really have anyone to dicuss this with back at home, or friends or anyone at school.

I struggle with controlling my anger. Well, I can control it pretty well, but there are definitely moments where I want to fight people for the stupidest of reasons and arguments. I usually bait people and pressure them to get physical first. I know its wrong but I'm really trying to better msyelf as a person.

The best way I could describe my anger is literally any Mike Tyson pre/post fight interview. I mostly channel my anger through hobbies, like :bodybuilding, weightlifing, my education, as well as caring for my tortoises. I'd say I have had the best improvement very recently, when I bought Steve and George. After buying them from my neighbor, they gave me a new way to calm down and center myself. They have also made me take better care of my two CDTs. I had previously given them a well suited habitat, but neglected them in terms of feeding, water, and overall diet. No longer. I am devoting my life to caring for my tortoises. They are the #1 thing in my life. Whatever job i get, i'll be happy with. I live a very modest life, grown up with very little, and I believe that is another reason I am so angry and filled with hatred all the time. Watching George and Steve walk around with their little legs, eating leaves, and looking forward to their growth picking back up and getting to where they should be, as well as seeing my CDTs noticeably "happier", all that has made this past week and half great.

I know 100% that returning to school, starting senior year of high school will ruin all of this. I will be back to my angry old self and I hate it. Last semester I really bombed all my AP classes. I once believed I could one day be the POTUS for crying out loud. Then my grades, stress level, anger level, poopoo SAT score, poopoo AP exam scores, and a bunch of other things really obliterated my dream. I plan on taking easy classes this year, take a gap year and go off to community college (if at all). Either I find some job or a few, do that and wait until I'm 21 so I could be a crime scene cleaner (dream job), or my parents said I can still live at home until I am 21 so I could get that job, my dream job, as my first job. (I am hispanic, and hispanic families, moms especially, want their kids to stay at home for as long as possible).

I know all of this sounds pathetic and really bad, coming from a once bright eyed top 10 student. I just want to live easy, doing a job I love, and taking care of my torts. I believe my torts will especially help with my anger issues.

Could a tortoise be a service animal? Maybe when Steve and George are massive and will follow me around I'll take them to parks so I can walk peacefully; them with super deluxe tortoise service animal vests. That would be a sight to see wouldn't it?
 
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ascott

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Hello all.

I don't really have anyone to dicuss this with back at home, or friends or anyone at school.

I struggle with controlling my anger. Well, I can control it pretty well, but there are definitely moments where I want to fight people for the stupidest of reasons and arguments. I usually bait people and pressure them to get physical first. I know its wrong but I'm really trying to better msyelf as a person.

The best way I could describe my anger is literally any Mike Tyson pre/post fight interview. I mostly channel my anger through hobbies, like :bodybuilding, weightlifing, my education, as well as caring for my tortoises. I'd say I have had the best improvement very recently, when I bought Steve and George. After buying them from my neighbor, they gave me a new way to calm down and center myself. They have also made me take better care of my two CDTs. I had previously given them a well suited habitat, but neglected them in terms of feeding, water, and overall diet. No longer. I am devoting my life to caring for my tortoises. They are the #1 thing in my life. Whatever job i get, i'll be happy with. I live a very modest life, grown up with very little, and I believe that is another reason I am so angry and filled with hatred all the time. Watching George and Steve walk around with their little legs, eating leaves, and looking forward to their growth picking back up and getting to where they should be, as well as seeing my CDTs noticeably "happier", all that has made this past week and half great.

I know 100% that returning to school, starting senior year of high school will ruin all of this. I will be back to my angry old self and I hate it. Last semester I really bombed all my AP classes. I once believed I could one day be the POTUS for crying out loud. Then my grades, stress level, anger level, poopoo SAT score, poopoo AP exam scores, and a bunch of other things really obliterated my dream. I plan on taking easy classes this year, take a gap year and go off to community college (if at all). Either I find some job or a few, do that and wait until I'm 21 so I could be a crime scene cleaner (dream job), or my parents said I can still live at home until I am 21 so I could get that job, my dream job, as my first job. (I am hispanic, and hispanic families, moms especially, want their kids to stay at home for as long as possible).

I know all of this sounds pathetic and really bad, coming from a once bright eyed top 10 student. I just want to live easy, doing a job I love, and taking care of my torts. I believe my torts will especially help with my anger issues.

Could a tortoise be a service animal? Maybe when Steve and George are massive and will follow me around I'll take them to parks so I can walk peacefully; them with super deluxe tortoise service animal vests. That would be a sight to see wouldn't it?

Well the first thing I would say is, the things you shared here are not that out of line. What I mean is that from your post you are not over 21, right? You are a young person who is trying to make their way in this world.? First off, don't be so tough on yourself, the thing I notice in the world now is that folks somehow think that they have to have some grand plan, some grand scheme to validate their life...when in all real life...we all walk through this world wanting to be a benefit, wanting to do well to others as well as our selfs...and all I can say is, don't be so damn hard on yourself....don't think that you are destined to save the world...you are one person, one soul...who says you have to have the answers? Just take a moment and realize you are just one person, one soul and why the hell do you have to live so much in your head? There is no one in this world that can save it all alone..perhaps there is no world nor person that needs being saved anyway....why is it that one person should think that they are so responsible? I mean, you have been here for such a short time, you have such a life still to experience.....and being a hispanic young male does not mean you have some ideal to live up to ....we are all born, we all grow up within our own life experiences and no two people ever walk down the same path...you are a human first and then any race or sex follows behind that...my suggestion to you is to ease up on yourself and just realize that you were meant to make your own path....and anger is usually a symptom of not knowing all the answers that this world makes you think you should know...relax man....take a breath and realize you, nor any one person is responsible for anyone else...but we all, collectively create "the big picture" and so why in the hell would you think that you have a problem when you get frustrated and angry and not knowing the answer to knowing some bs questions put on you?

The best advice I could and would give a young person making their way in this world is...take a breath. Understand that you are just part of the overall show...that you are not the show unto itself....so why would you think you should be not angry, should not be confused, should not be sad, should not be happy....we are a species filled with feelings.....feelings are ok but what you do in reaction to a feeling is what will create you as a person. I bet you are normal, young male coming into himself. Do not listen to what the politically correct group tries to make you think....it is alright to be happy, it is alright to be sad, it is alright to be angry, it is alright to be confused..it is alright to be strong, it is alright to have moments when you feel weak....and as you age you will understand that those things never go away...we just learn coping skills to work through each feeling....do not be hard on yourself my friend. Understand that none of us have the answers...that each of us travel our own path...and I personally have found that my path crosses over others in the exact moment that we each need one another to go on. Never discount anyone nor any event....we all matter. Take a breath...sit and watch your torts...sit and watch people in how they deal or don't deal with life..and from those life experiences we all form who we are...and thankfully, we are never done...as long as we all have life, we are all learning and life experiences can change what we believe in today from what we believe in tomorrow and we all can and do encounter folks through out life and realize we may have been simply a moment in each of our life journey....it is alright to feel like you do....it is alright man...take pleasure in the day...take pleasure in the things in life that make you smile....embrace the things that make you "feel" sad and empathy towards your fellow man...those are the things I have found are the greatest moments of truth and teaching....the opportunity to share with another that they are ok....you are ok.
 

NewTortEnthusiast

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Thank you, ascott. What you said really meant something to me. If I had this conversation with my parents, they would yell and hit me. If I told the counselor at school all this, they would make me take anger management courses or therapy and would end up making me more angry. I like how you didn't inform me of seeking any kind of help, and to just find peace within myself and with who I am and with what I have. You put a lot of thought into that big wall of text. That means a lot to me.
 

wellington

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Wow, I think ascott probably said it best. All I can probably add is this. Walk away. Instead of confronting someone that makes you mad, realize they might have their own problems they are dealing with and their way may be to try and anger others. They too need to work on their problems and you don't need to be a part of it, so walk away. Find your happy place within your head and go there when you need calming down. Doesn't matter where you are, you can go to that happy place in your head. Tune out the problems going around you at those angry times and go to that happy place. If you work hard at it, you will catch yourself smiling because your in your happy place.
Tortoises are a great happy place. They are slow, calm and in no hurry to rush their lives. Don't rush your life. Enjoy being a kid and when the time comes put your best foot forward, one at a time and with a calm head and mind set and you will get what you want figured out. You won't get it figured out without a bunch of mistakes if you do anything with a mind that is spinning in anger. However, mistakes made with a calm mind are fewer and much more easily fixed, but very normal too.
Just want too throw this out there. There is no shame in getting professional help if at any point in your life you think it's needed.
I wish you luck, enjoy your tortoises, they need you. Like you did here, you have friends on this forum that will listen and help any way possible.
 

Toddrickfl1

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Well the first thing I would say is, the things you shared here are not that out of line. What I mean is that from your post you are not over 21, right? You are a young person who is trying to make their way in this world.? First off, don't be so tough on yourself, the thing I notice in the world now is that folks somehow think that they have to have some grand plan, some grand scheme to validate their life...when in all real life...we all walk through this world wanting to be a benefit, wanting to do well to others as well as our selfs...and all I can say is, don't be so damn hard on yourself....don't think that you are destined to save the world...you are one person, one soul...who says you have to have the answers? Just take a moment and realize you are just one person, one soul and why the hell do you have to live so much in your head? There is no one in this world that can save it all alone..perhaps there is no world nor person that needs being saved anyway....why is it that one person should think that they are so responsible? I mean, you have been here for such a short time, you have such a life still to experience.....and being a hispanic young male does not mean you have some ideal to live up to ....we are all born, we all grow up within our own life experiences and no two people ever walk down the same path...you are a human first and then any race or sex follows behind that...my suggestion to you is to ease up on yourself and just realize that you were meant to make your own path....and anger is usually a symptom of not knowing all the answers that this world makes you think you should know...relax man....take a breath and realize you, nor any one person is responsible for anyone else...but we all, collectively create "the big picture" and so why in the hell would you think that you have a problem when you get frustrated and angry and not knowing the answer to knowing some bs questions put on you?

The best advice I could and would give a young person making their way in this world is...take a breath. Understand that you are just part of the overall show...that you are not the show unto itself....so why would you think you should be not angry, should not be confused, should not be sad, should not be happy....we are a species filled with feelings.....feelings are ok but what you do in reaction to a feeling is what will create you as a person. I bet you are normal, young male coming into himself. Do not listen to what the politically correct group tries to make you think....it is alright to be happy, it is alright to be sad, it is alright to be angry, it is alright to be confused..it is alright to be strong, it is alright to have moments when you feel weak....and as you age you will understand that those things never go away...we just learn coping skills to work through each feeling....do not be hard on yourself my friend. Understand that none of us have the answers...that each of us travel our own path...and I personally have found that my path crosses over others in the exact moment that we each need one another to go on. Never discount anyone nor any event....we all matter. Take a breath...sit and watch your torts...sit and watch people in how they deal or don't deal with life..and from those life experiences we all form who we are...and thankfully, we are never done...as long as we all have life, we are all learning and life experiences can change what we believe in today from what we believe in tomorrow and we all can and do encounter folks through out life and realize we may have been simply a moment in each of our life journey....it is alright to feel like you do....it is alright man...take pleasure in the day...take pleasure in the things in life that make you smile....embrace the things that make you "feel" sad and empathy towards your fellow man...those are the things I have found are the greatest moments of truth and teaching....the opportunity to share with another that they are ok....you are ok.
Very well put.
 

daniellenc

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My daughter and son are your age and let me validate being a teen today is so much more complicated than it was when I was growing up. This entire generation was raised to feel "love" and "acceptance" via social media likes and comments. If you live in the big house with BMW driving parents, North Face and Under Armor Gear, and the newest Iphone your existence is totally validated among your peers. Despite materials having very little actual value perception is reality right or wrong. Compounding the issue my guess is due to your cultural background and the hardships your parents have endured they are hard on you! They expect you to be better than them, work harder, be smarter, find your path sooner, and succeed because you're probably the reason they are hear in the first place. I grew up with immigrant parents.....I get it. I remember being your age and screaming at my Grandmother no one asked her to jump on an effing boat so I could be great!! Like what the hell is that? Because I was raised in the US with more options attainable I need to now become a rocket scientist? Where was their PHD? The pressure and expectations were frustrating then, but now schools apply this same pressure to remain competitive and receive additional funding (it's not because you're the future I can assure you). It's because States allocate funding to the highest scoring schools on those BS standardized tests you take for hours a day. So if they want new books, computers, higher salaries, renovations, or grants to offer certain courses they need you to shine! Kinda messed up huh? That's why inner city schools in low income areas remain underfunded which leads to under educated adults born into poverty and pretty much doomed to stay there. And this is where your parents expectations of you make sense. They understand poverty. They understand the system and it's design. We don't live in a world where "average" or "ordinary" can get by. So I understand your anger, but cut them some slack they're hard because they are afraid for you, love you, and want you to have an "easier" life than they did.

If I were you (and I was) step outside of your own feelings before you strive to do the opposite of whats in your best interest (I sure did). Go to community college, take whatever is interesting, don't pick a major yet, relax and grow up a little before making these huge decisions - there is no hurry I promise. I got my Masters when I was 27 because I thought I could do it my way and still create the life I wanted - I was WRONG!!! I was raising two kids with no college degree and a crappy secretary job making $30,000 a year. I had no insurance, no money, my husband was in the same boat and we survived barely. I watched my friends and colleagues travel, eat at new restaurants, take their kids all over the world, buy homes, be able to afford outings etc. I wasn't jealous per say but sad as had I chose to suck it up and go the college route we'd be in a better place with stability. So at 24 I went back and played the new game of get yourself in debt to flash a piece of paper and be paid more aka earning a degree. Yes this is reality and yes it made me angry. My first few working years had me even poorer than I was before I finished. Now I was $50,000 in debt only making $12,000 a year more in my new job and felt duped. But a few years in the workforce putting in overtime and working extra hard paid off. I have quadrupled my salary as has my husband, bought a home, travel, have no debt, and have the financially stable life my parents worked for. Best off my kids watched my struggle through college and saw how it changed our lives so I don't have to pressure them the way I was.

Just some perspective on your anger. It's right, but not beneficial in the end.
 

ZEROPILOT

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I had a bit of that myself at your age.
I was into physical things. Football and getting into fights.
Some young men have a rough time becoming men. Its confusing and difficult trying to find your place in the world. Even small conflicts can become giant issues. And looking for conflict becomes common.
For me, it was finding a very calm, sweet girlfriend and age that chilled me out.
Try consciously to control yourself. Don't start trouble and try to let stuff go. Since you are aware of how you might get, try to stop it before it starts. Young men are are jostling for their place of dominance it seemed to me. "Respect" and other ridiculous words come to mind.....
I know it's hard to right now. But when you're older...Letting stuff go is a part of life. And things worth fighting over are pretty rare.
Please keep in mind that if you seriously harm anyone or get yourself into real trouble at your young age, that it can completely ruin your future. And you will forever be sorry. Especially since you will no longer be so angry later on. But still suffer from your bad decisions.
This forum is a great place/way for us to talk about our troubles sometimes because it is almost anonymous and almost no one judges us.
These issues have no link to intelligence. So no. I don't think you're stupid. My own I.Q. was tested at a relatively high 151. It was tested when I started fighting more and getting horrible grades in school...
Have you spoken to anyone that you trust about your issues?
Maybe a school counselor would be a start.
Medication might help you during this period of your life.
Stay busy with things that you like. Spend time with those that you love and view school simply as the part of the day that you don't like much. You're almost done.
Best of luck to you.
 
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Tom

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I was an angry young man growing up too. Life tried to serve me a steaming sh*t sandwich and I wasn't having it. Its a wonder I survived the teen years and early 20s.

Two things got me through those years:
  1. I learned to control my anger and harness it. It was always boiling just below the surface, but I kept it contained until I wanted to unleash it. You can control your anger, or your anger can control you. Your choice. I chose to use my anger. To this day it is my primary motivation tool. I use it to push myself through difficult situations and get sh*t done. Like any powerful tool, it can get out of hand. Learn to use it for good purposes. This may sound strange to some people, but I'll bet you get exactly what I mean.
  2. Hobbies. I had lots and lots of hobbies. I was on the go doing something, planning something, always thinking ahead and preoccupied with many different hobbies all at the same time. SCUBA diving, shooting, skate boarding, paintball, motocross, karate, aquariums, snakes, lizards, tortoises, tarantulas, roaches, protection dog training, street bikes, and I always had my music. Different music to suit different moods. I also had a girlfriend from about the age of 15. Right or wrong, girls occupied my mind and kept my thoughts away from the things that made me angry.
I hope something in this helps you find a coping mechanism. Its not abnormal for young men to be angry about stuff. Trying to extinguish the anger, or not be angry, is futile in my experience. Controlling your anger and using it to your advantage makes much more sense to me.
 

NewTortEnthusiast

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I had a bit of that myself at your age.
I was into physical things. Football and getting into fights.

Have you spoken to anyone that you trust about your issues?
Maybe a school counselor would be a start.
Medication might help you during this period of your life.
Stay busy with things that you like. Spend time with those that you love and view school simply as the part of the day that you don't like much. You're almost done.
Best of luck to you.

I can't seek help from counselors anymore. I've had a long history of almost getting into fights. I have explained my emotional problems before. I'm not one to get sad or feel depressed or lonely or any negative feelings like that. I only feel happiness, then it diverges into either: anger, hate, or frustration. I know who I am, I am well aware of my problems (only after the fact that I may have acted upon these problems, still need to work on avoiding them). If I were to open up to counselors that I literally only experience happiness or some form of anger, not including sadness or any other feelings, that would definitely raise concern. Its like... in places where any normal person would be sad, I'm angry.

Seeking help this late in high school will draw attention to myself by faculty. I don't want that.
 

Romeo Serback

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My son, now in 8th grade has the same problem and we controlled it with a little medication and he's not to see certain bad influencing friends.
 

NewTortEnthusiast

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My son, now in 8th grade has the same problem and we controlled it with a little medication and he's not to see certain bad influencing friends.

I was once an amazing student, before I reached higher levels of learning that my brain could not keep up with.
Throughout all of elementary school, middle school, and up until now in high school I was in the hardest classes I could take. There were other kids like me in those classes, students who went to school to learn and to surpass the rest. Like, the type of students that will be doctors and all that. I never had any "negative" or "bad influencing" friends, because I never had any moments of contact or interaction with them. With that said, my problems stem from within, not from peer pressure or their infuence.
 

Diamond

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You have mentioned here that you can't talk to your parents because they will yell or hit you. My guess is that has contributed to your anger. Children learn what they live. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming them, I'm sure they are doing their best. Children don't come with instructions on how to raise them. Everyone has issues in their life even if they have the perfect living conditions. The fact that you recognize that you have anger issues is a big part of changing it. Like Tom said, you can either change it not. If you feel you can't talk to the counselor at school then pick up some books and see if they are helpful in giving you the tools to help control the anger. You sound like an intelligent young man. The last thing you need is to go to far with your anger and end up hurting someone. I'm not a psychiatrist, but work in the medical field and see people everyday being hurt by someone taking out their anger on someone. If the counselors at school are offering anger management classes, take them up on it. You are only short changing yourself by not educating yourself on how to manage the anger. Once you have those tools it could be the change you need and will help you achieve your dreams.

As far as a career goes, a college degree is not the only way to go. I have one and my husband has one and it has served us well. Our daughter has one and she has not been as fortunate. There is a big need for the trades like plumbers and electricians as a few examples.
Don't know if you have ever heard of Mike Rowe, he used do have a tv show called dirty jobs, he offers scholarships to people interested in taking up a trade. You have plenty of time to figure out a career. Take things a day at a time. Get your anger under control and that will clear your mind to concentrate on your future, which can be great, but you have to do the work.
 

NewTortEnthusiast

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You have mentioned here that you can't talk to your parents because they will yell or hit you. My guess is that has contributed to your anger. Children learn what they live. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming them, I'm sure they are doing their best. Children don't come with instructions on how to raise them. Everyone has issues in their life even if they have the perfect living conditions. The fact that you recognize that you have anger issues is a big part of changing it. Like Tom said, you can either change it not. If you feel you can't talk to the counselor at school then pick up some books and see if they are helpful in giving you the tools to help control the anger. You sound like an intelligent young man. The last thing you need is to go to far with your anger and end up hurting someone. I'm not a psychiatrist, but work in the medical field and see people everyday being hurt by someone taking out their anger on someone. If the counselors at school are offering anger management classes, take them up on it. You are only short changing yourself by not educating yourself on how to manage the anger. Once you have those tools it could be the change you need and will help you achieve your dreams.

As far as a career goes, a college degree is not the only way to go. I have one and my husband has one and it has served us well. Our daughter has one and she has not been as fortunate. There is a big need for the trades like plumbers and electricians as a few examples.
Don't know if you have ever heard of Mike Rowe, he used do have a tv show called dirty jobs, he offers scholarships to people interested in taking up a trade. You have plenty of time to figure out a career. Take things a day at a time. Get your anger under control and that will clear your mind to concentrate on your future, which can be great, but you have to do the work.

My parents yelling and hitting me stems from our hispanic background. My father wouldn't really care about it and say a few words and that would be it. My mother on the other hand would refuse to leave my room until I give her the perfect answer to her questions that don't exist. It will put her in a bad mood. I'm not saying all hispanic parents are this way, just we do things differently than a white family or a black family or any other kinds of families; not the most understanding and wanting to help, more like "why do you feel this way? what's wrong with you? Tell me what's wrong right now" and continues to ask the same questions over and over again getting more angry, never excepting the answer you give them. Then after maybe 2 hours its all over and we forget about it.

My parents would also dislike the fact they would have to take me to anger management courses. An extra thing that they would agree I don't need, just based on the hassle of driving over there or having to pick me up later.

And I love Dirty Jobs. And I don't know if I could get a scholarship from Mike Rowe if I'm wanting to be a crime scene cleaner. I wouldn't be old enough until roughly the middle of college (have to be 21 to be a crime scene cleaner), that's a long time to wait for my job opportunity. Plus to be a crime scene cleaner all you need is a high school diploma or equivalent.
 

Diamond

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Try looking for some books on anger management. There may even be some online classes you could take. I know my daughter has found help online for her OCD when she was needing it.

I come from an Italian back round, close family, but don't discuss any family issues. lol. It is interesting how cultures can differ so much. The thing we all have in common is all we ever really want is for our kids to be happy. The saying, "a parent is only as happy as their saddest child is so true." I'm sure your parents love you and want what's best for you. We parents get frustrated when we feel helpless when our kids are struggling.

I think you can do well at whatever job you want to. I'm not sure if Mike Rowe offers scholarships for crime scene cleaners, but never hurts to find out.
 
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